Kindness to Others Archives - Embracing Kindness

How to Prepare Elementary-Aged Kids for Middle School

Researching and writing this blog post brought to the surface many of my latent heebie jeebies surrounding my own experience in middle school.

I first thought of the topic a SUPER long time ago, then let it sit in the back of my brain for months. I finally sat at my desk with a huge sigh and started my research and outline. That work became an untouched resident of my Drafts folder for another month.

Some Context

Middle school was not… the BEST experience for me (I elaborate on that a bit in this old post). In fact, I may or may not be working through issues from middle school with my therapist right now. It was also not a great time for my husband. Whenever either of us have a reason to talk about middle school, we both have a visceral shudder response, and can’t resist saying something about how freaking AWFUL it was.

Our son is a couple years away from going to middle school himself, and it’s become clear to me that we need to stop trash talking the whole experience. I don’t want him to spend the next two years dreading it because his parents couldn’t manage their stupid emotional responses.

I also think that, if he has a positive attitude — AND a strong toolkit of social and emotional skills — going into it, that will increase his chances of having a good time.

This article in The Atlantic spells out some of the major issues with middle school, why adults have an automatic shudder response to it, and how we could make it better with a couple of small changes — from a systemic lens.

My focus here, however, is to provide some guidance for helping our tweens through this awkward transition on a personal level.

Researchers and regular folks all agree — the middle school transition can be rocky. Helping kids build a strong foundation of social and emotional skills in the years leading up to that transition is key.

So, what difficulties do middle schoolers face?

How can we prepare them for this weird time when they’re still in elementary school, or support them through it when they’re actually there?

It’s never too late to work on these skills with kids — even if your kiddo is smack in the middle of middle school turmoil, you can still guide them through the experience and prepare them for what’s to come next.

Let’s look at some of the social and emotional obstacles and how to prepare kids for them and/or help them through them.

5 Great Ways to Get Kids Involved with Community Service

One of the cornerstone components of social and emotional skill development is that of empathy. When we can understand the feelings and perspectives of others, we can truly connect with each other. It’s much harder to be mean to people when we understand them.

I believe that most people are innately empathetic. I also believe that it’s a skill that needs to be honed throughout our entire lives. One way to keep growing empathy in ourselves and in our children is through community service.

When we engage with our community through service, we allow ourselves to experience true human connection while doing something that feeds our souls. Research shows that volunteering increases our happiness — it also has several other benefits.

So — as busy people caring for smaller busy people, how do we get involved with community service? I’ve compiled a few ideas here that are fairly low-effort. Some can be much higher effort, if you’re so inclined! 😁

When Your Nice Kid Befriends the “Mean Girl”

A friend of mine recently posted something on Facebook that made me feel pretty anxious and reminded me that there are some rocky roads ahead. She has a nice, kind daughter, and the little girl has decided that she wants to be friends with the resident “mean girl.”

My first reaction to that is, “Oh heck no! Find a way to discourage that!” But as I sat with the issue a bit, I rethought that position. Continue reading “When Your Nice Kid Befriends the “Mean Girl””

How to Be Compassionate When Your Big Kid is Sick

As I mentioned before, there’s a new little life in our household. Baby L is healthy as can be, though she’d already suffered through her first cold before she was 2 months old.

Our 4-year-old son, however, has been sick more times than I can count. If you have little kids, you know. It’s ridiculous. The first few years are just a total snotfest.

In fact, one of my nicknames for Z is Boogie. Not because he loves to dance (that’s what my sweet, innocent mom thought), but because, until he was about 3, he almost always had a nose full of boogers. Guuuuuhross.

Anyway, L is still pretty little. If she gets really sick, I’m going to be a wreck. I have anxiety, and anytime something is wrong with the girl I go all worst-case-scenario and freak the heck out.

The other day I took her to the doctor because one of her hands was randomly turning red and looked puffy, and then it would go away and come back. I was imagining that she had some kind of crazy blood clot that was slowly making its way to her brain.

I’m not kidding. The doctor had to explain away a few concerns like that that I brought to her. Continue reading “How to Be Compassionate When Your Big Kid is Sick”

Giving the Gift of Play

This is an old post, but I think the premise is still important so I want to resurface it! I’ve also added a bit of research to the mix. Full disclosure, as the years have worn on, my ability to be playful has waned — I’m hoping diving back into this topic will bring it back. 🙂

Hi! Long time no see! I had to take a break from the ol’ blog for a while for various reasons. For one, I was working full-time on a project, so I decided to put all my energy into that. I figured, work for money > work for free. When that was over, I had a baby. I figured, work for family > work for me. Rhyming unintentional, but pretty fantastic.

But now, the baby and I have found a sort of rhythm, I’m not so terribly sleep deprived, and I am back to not getting paid… Which honestly kind of sucks, but at least it gives me time to do this again.

So we just celebrated various holidays—in my family, we do Thanksgiving, Christmas, and a light version of Hanukkah… and you know, a parents’ version of New Year’s Eve, which consists of saying, “Hey, it’s New Year’s Eve,” going to bed at 9:00, and waking up in the morning saying, “Hey, Happy New Year.”

A Gift That Improved My Marriage

My focus on this post is going to be our recent Christmas gift exchange, and how it affected my marriage, helping me be kinder to my husband.

A long time ago, I wrote about the best advice my mom ever gave me about marriage. You can read about that later, but I’ll tell you briefly, the jist of it is that we have to appreciate each other.

Well, after this past Christmas, I have a piece of advice of my own. And honestly, I have heard it before. But it is so valuable and so easily lost when we are involved in just making it through each day as parents to young children.

The Best Marriage Advice I Ever Received

This post was originally written a few years ago (my parents have now been married for 42 years, and my husband and I for 12). I’m resurfacing it because it serves as a great reminder for me as life gets busier and more complex. My hope is that you find a nugget or two that resonate with you, as well!

I’d also add that this piece of advice is solid for ANY relationships we have — friends, kids, colleagues, parents, siblings, etc. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic!

My mom, like most moms, gives me loads of advice. Much of it is about marriage. Thankfully, she’s not annoying about it. Maybe that’s why we’re still so close. 🙂

I usually take her advice seriously, because I know that she is a very happy person and has a lot to offer in the way of wisdom. I don’t subscribe to every single thing she says—who does?

But this one piece of marriage advice has stuck with me, and I swear by it:

Why I Won’t Ask About Your Family Plan

It’s not that I don’t care about your family. I do.

If I know you, your family is super important to me. I absolutely love hearing your stories and swapping tales of bliss, humor, and frustration.

If I don’t know you, I know your family is important to you, and I’d love to chat about it.

So, what’s stopping me from asking you about your family plan?

Continue reading “Why I Won’t Ask About Your Family Plan”

NEVER Talk to Strangers?

The other day I was talking with one of my best friends, when the topic (as it often does) turned to Adventures in Childrearing. Specifically, we were talking about how our kids are starting to ask the tough questions. As interesting as it is to see our little babies grow into these critically-thinking mini-people, it can be really, really tricky when they ask questions that have deep, and sometimes disturbing, answers.

In these early years, they’re still so little.

How much should we really say? We have to walk a fine line between totally glossing over something that deserves to be discussed and overwhelming them with unnecessary, sometimes scary, information.

The question that really got my friend and I thinking and talking was that of “stranger danger.”
Continue reading “NEVER Talk to Strangers?”

Help! My Kid Likes Me Best!

This post is another blast from the past! While I’m still the default parent (a term I heard a while back and find totally fitting), things aren’t as dire as they once were. I do still use some of the strategies I outline in this post when I notice lopsidedness sneaking back in. Just yesterday, my daughter was super excited about the lunch place we were going to and said, “Thank you sososososososo much, Mommy!” I told her to thank Daddy because he’s awesome and made the decision. As with most things in parenting and partnership, the work doesn’t ever fully end — it just changes.

Hey! My kid likes me best. Isn’t that awesome?

Wait. A. Second.

This is actually not all awesome.

If you’re the one your kid likes best, I’m sure you get what I’m saying. If you don’t feel me yet, check out this scenario:

It’s nearing bedtime and you’ve spent the day doing all kinds of parenting tasks: preparing and serving meals, brushing teeth, putting on and taking off shoes, providing potty assistance, playing cars, playing superheroes, playing more cars and more superheroes, and so on. You are tired. You say, “Daddy needs to help you get into your pajamas now.” This is met with a flood of tears and screams of “You do it! I want Mommy to do it!!”

Ugh.

Not only is it exhausting, it’s also heartbreaking.

Is there a way to guide children toward being kinder to the parent who is not the “preferred” one? How can we do it without making it into an awkward situation every time?