What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Have you thought about it?
How does your body feel? What’s going on in your mind? How’s your productivity?
I’ve been thinking about these things a lot lately, and paying attention to my own (not great) habits. After noticing my tendency to just not do anything worthwhile when I’m overwhelmed, I started wondering why. Then I started wondering how to fix it and move on.
The biggest problem here is that I’m pretty overwhelmed right now, which — true to form — is making me totally unproductive.
I have had to force myself to sit down each day and tackle the things that are making me feel like I’m under water. Including writing this blog post.
When you’re trying to build a business for yourself that is reliant on writing and showcasing yourself as an expert in a particular field through your writing, it’s pretty important to keep… writing.
But building a business is overwhelming (and frustrating as heck, but that’s a different topic altogether). Learning how to use social media to market myself has been a lot. Researching and cold-emailing prospective clients is waaaaay out of my comfort zone.
As usual, I decided to use my current struggles to frame a blog post that I hope will help other people while simultaneously helping myself. Bonus!
The days leading up to winter break 2020 were some of the most difficult, in terms of my mental health, that I’d experienced in a very long time.
I’m generally fairly vulnerable in my blog writing, but in order to do this issue justice, I’m going to have to really make myself uncomfortable here. I’m tense and sweaty even thinking about it! But I imagine that there are other people out there who have been or are on the verge of being in the same situation. So… here we go.
Though I wrote this original post when we were still in the midst of the pandemic, I believe that we can now read it as a “lessons learned” piece. The five tips toward the end of the article are things that we should still be doing. All the time. Let me know what you think in the comments! What pandemic-era lessons have carried through for you?
In March 2020 — Friday the 13th, I’m pretty sure, actually — when I went to pick up my kids from school, I had no idea that would be the last time I would do that for about a year. I’m on the verge of tears even writing that. I had no idea that our interactions with loved ones would be so limited and strange for so long. I had no idea the wild emotional ride we were about to begin.
Kids all over the world were jolted out of what was normal and plunged into this weird, isolated, anxiety-filled environment. Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or other caregiver, I know you can probably relate to all of the things I’m about to say about how the pandemic has affected kids.
And, whether things are opening back up where you live or not, things won’t be “normal” for a long time. In this post, I may be stating a lot of obvious things, but my hope is that it will help us to feel connected and not so alone. I also hope to provide a few strategies for helping kids persevere through this challenging time, some of which includes strengthening their social and emotional competencies.
I’ll be the first to admit it — I’m terrible at keeping in touch. Like, pretty awful. I’ll like all the Facebook and Instagram posts, and most of the time I’ll respond to texts. But initiating real, meaningful contact with people is a pretty big weak area for me. I tell myself I’ll reach out when XYZ, but then XYZ comes and goes and for whatever reason, I’m still silent.
This is not good and I know it. It’s not good for my relationships and it’s not good for my mental health. This has only become more pronounced as the pandemic has isolated us all more than ever. So, I am vowing to make 2021 my year of connection.
How does this relate to you, or to the general theme of social and emotional learning (SEL)?
Perseverance and SEL
Perseverance is a huge topic in the world of SEL, and in 2020 we had to persevere more than ever! As we dip our collective toes into the waters of 2021, I think we can all agree that the conditions that caused perseverance to be so critical last year are still swirling around in there, though perhaps a touch diluted.
Once we dive in — and we will have to dive in, no matter how reluctant we are — we’ll have to keep our heads above water, our arms moving, and our legs kicking. This requires a lot of self-awareness, one of the five SEL competencies as defined by the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL). We have to understand ourselves well enough to know what will motivate us to keep moving when treading water gets tough. Are you motivated by financial stability, the wellbeing of our family, helping to create a better future for others, or a lovely vacation on the horizon?
What keeps you going?
Once you’ve figured out what keeps you motivated to stay afloat even when you’re exhausted and facing so many obstacles, remember that you don’t have to do it alone — nor should you. This is where another SEL competency comes in: relationship skills. Social connection is vital to perseverance. As one of my personal heroes, Brené Brown, says, “Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.” You need people, and — this may be obvious, but juuuuust in case you need a reminder — people need you, too!
Research on Perseverance and Social Connection
According to the CDC, the COVID-19 pandemic has led to elevation of anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. The CDC stopped short of asserting a direct correlation between the pandemic and these elevated mental health issues. However, we might draw the conclusion that the social isolation caused by the pandemic has contributed to them. It’s so easy to get sucked into our day-to-day routines — feeding ourselves (and our kids or pets, if we have them), keeping ourselves and our homes clean, working, and maaaaybe exercising — that we forget to reach out to our support networks. Or maybe we’re too mentally exhausted at the end of the day to expend more energy on socializing. I’m looking at you, fellow introverts!
In the 2012 article “Building your resilience,” the APA placed building social connections first in its list of resilience-building strategies. When we are struggling to get by due to mental, physical, or any other type of strain, it can be easy to retreat from others as we attempt to right our ship alone. Yup, I’m totally mixing metaphors here, with the treading water and the righting ships, but you get me!
While our ability to persevere is ultimately our own responsibility, it is completely okay and actually better if we include friends and family in our journey. Even if we don’t explicitly need help from them, their presence in our lives will be helpful. Just having someone to talk with and feel connected to can help us so much.
Since we’ve been in this pandemic for a while, now there is some research specifically related to it. A study based in Austria during the COVID-19 pandemic lockdown found interesting correlations between the size of participants’ social networks and their levels of worry, anxiety, and fatigue. The authors state, “Our findings highlight the important role that social connections play in promoting resilience by buffering against negative physical and mental health outcomes, particularly in times of adversity in times of adversity.”
Staying Connected During a Global Pandemic
As we continue to stay home and avoid crowds, nourishing those oh-so-vital connections with others becomes difficult. Before the pandemic, it seemed that my family and I were always with our people. We spent the weekends bouncing between our parents’ houses, the soccer field, and various birthday parties. Now, we feel like we’ve had heavy socialization if we manage to arrange a socially distant hike with local friends.
While in-person interaction is limited during this time, we don’t need to be socially isolated. There are plenty of ways to stay connected. We just have to get a little more creative and commit to spending a bit more time in front of a screen than we would otherwise. I know, I know… I get Zoom fatigue too! We must fight through the pain and the eye strain to keep up those connections, friends! Here are some great ideas for us all, from the National Alliance on Mental Illness. There are some things there I haven’t thought of before, and I’ll be putting a couple of them into practice this year, for sure.
So, who’s with me? Want to join me in working harder to stay connected this year? Let’s all band together to help each other tread that water and right those ships! We can and will persevere through this pandemic and beyond — especially if we do it together.
I’ve always been the kind of person whose motto is “expect the worst, but hope for the best.” I know, that’s totally not positive and seems counter to the general vibe of this blog.
But that’s me, in reality.
I really try to avoid getting my hopes up, because I would rather be joyful at an unexpectedly good outcome than bummed at an unexpectedly bad one. I believe this is what we call “self-preservation.” Here’s why:
This morning I broke down. I was feeling really lousy about something and I just couldn’t keep my emotions at bay. When my husband asked what I was thinking about as I stared off into space, I promptly began sobbing and the floodgates were open.
Then my son came back to the table, book in hand, asking me to read to him while he ate his breakfast. Avoiding eye contact with him, I quickly wiped my tears away and began reading with as controlled a voice as I could muster. Z was none the wiser.
I felt good, because I was able to keep our morning going smoothly and he didn’t have to deal with a sobbing mama and the potential awkwardness that might bring along with it.
Then I checked my Twitter feed and saw an article by Six Seconds, basically saying that we need to talk about feelings with our kids in order to develop their sense of empathy. While the focus of the article is mainly on simple activities you can do to help children be aware of their own emotions, the point was driven home: I have to be more open about how I’m feeling if I want Z to be able to recognize and empathize with others’ emotions.
As I did more research, I found some other great reasons to stop shielding my son from my negative feelings.
Ever since I was in fifth grade, I’ve suffered from moderate anxiety and depression. (Interestingly, the National Institute of Mental Health notes that the average age at which people begin to suffer from anxiety is eleven years old.) In my case, the depression usually follows an episode of high anxiety.
In this post, I’m going to delve into my own struggles and explain why I (and others) think it’s worthwhile to talk about them. I’ve noticed that there’s been a movement lately to get people talking about mental illnesses, to bring individual experiences out into the light in an effort to remove the stigma. I think that sharing our internal struggles with others is a kindness to ourselves, but is also a kindness to those who may feel alone.
