What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Have you thought about it?
How does your body feel? What’s going on in your mind? How’s your productivity?
I’ve been thinking about these things a lot lately, and paying attention to my own (not great) habits. After noticing my tendency to just not do anything worthwhile when I’m overwhelmed, I started wondering why. Then I started wondering how to fix it and move on.
The biggest problem here is that I’m pretty overwhelmed right now, which — true to form — is making me totally unproductive.
I have had to force myself to sit down each day and tackle the things that are making me feel like I’m under water. Including writing this blog post.
When you’re trying to build a business for yourself that is reliant on writing and showcasing yourself as an expert in a particular field through your writing, it’s pretty important to keep… writing.
But building a business is overwhelming (and frustrating as heck, but that’s a different topic altogether). Learning how to use social media to market myself has been a lot. Researching and cold-emailing prospective clients is waaaaay out of my comfort zone.
As usual, I decided to use my current struggles to frame a blog post that I hope will help other people while simultaneously helping myself. Bonus!
As I try to begin a career in freelance educational content production and editing in earnest, I find that I’m faced with the unease of starting something new. I need to market myself and my skills, which generally leaves me feeling overwhelmed and sick to my stomach.
I know that I am a capable and competent writer and that I have expertise in some areas (namely social and emotional learning). This isn’t enough to get a career off the ground, however. I need to have connections. And to make connections I need to network… and sell myself.
UGH networking and selling myself. Both of those things make me extra super uncomfortable!
So my question as I got started was: How on earth do I sell myself as a writer, copy editor, and curriculum developer?
The answer didn’t excite me.
Lots of sites said I should start working on my social media strategy. I’ve been a casual social media user since the days of MySpace, but have mostly kept to personal updates on Facebook intended for my close friends and family. I’ve dabbled in Instagram and Twitter, but haven’t really found footing there yet. LinkedIn has always been a bit of a mystery to me, honestly! I have posted a couple things there but I have no idea what I’m doing.
Which leads me to this:
I have no idea what I’m doing with my “social media strategy” in general.
I’ve never had a social media strategy — and venturing out on this with no experience scares me. I can feel my anxiety start to creep in.
It makes me want to not even start.
Here are the questions that swirl around in my head, especially when I think about making short-form videos like Instagram Reels:
What could I possibly say that anyone would care about?
How can I ever come up with enough content related to the subjects I write about on my blog?
Will all of this effort actually help me?
How do I ensure the privacy and safety of my family?
Do I even want videos of myself out there for all to see?
I don’t know the answers to any of these questions. But I do know that if I don’t try it, I’ll never know.
So, I’ve decided to just start, and to make the fumbles and failures along the way a part of my exploration on my blog. This will be an exercise in self-compassion for sure! It will likely be a long and bumpy road, and I need to be kind to myself.
Maybe my social media strategy will fizzle and I’ll never get it truly off the ground. On the other hand, maybe it’ll be something I find enjoyable and that others eventually connect with.
I’m going to hope for the best on this one, but if the worst happens (what’s the worst that could happen?!) I’ll be okay, too.
I saw this tweet the day after I wrote this post and it made me laugh out loud. 😀
Here’s what I’ve done so far:
Made a content calendar (that I’m already behind on! Haha)
Listed blog ideas
Listed reel ideas
Started a few blog drafts (including this one)
Listing things and making plans always makes me feel better when I don’t want to start something.
What do you do when you’re afraid to start something new?
The days leading up to winter break 2020 were some of the most difficult, in terms of my mental health, that I’d experienced in a very long time.
I’m generally fairly vulnerable in my blog writing, but in order to do this issue justice, I’m going to have to really make myself uncomfortable here. I’m tense and sweaty even thinking about it! But I imagine that there are other people out there who have been or are on the verge of being in the same situation. So… here we go.
I’ll be the first to admit it — I’m terrible at keeping in touch. Like, pretty awful. I’ll like all the Facebook and Instagram posts, and most of the time I’ll respond to texts. But initiating real, meaningful contact with people is a pretty big weak area for me. I tell myself I’ll reach out when XYZ, but then XYZ comes and goes and for whatever reason, I’m still silent.
This is not good and I know it. It’s not good for my relationships and it’s not good for my mental health. This has only become more pronounced as the pandemic has isolated us all more than ever. So, I am vowing to make 2021 my year of connection.
How does this relate to you, or to the general theme of social and emotional learning (SEL)?
Perseverance and SEL
Perseverance is a huge topic in the world of SEL, and in 2020 we had to persevere more than ever! As we dip our collective toes into the waters of 2021, I think we can all agree that the conditions that caused perseverance to be so critical last year are still swirling around in there, though perhaps a touch diluted.
Once we dive in — and we will have to dive in, no matter how reluctant we are — we’ll have to keep our heads above water, our arms moving, and our legs kicking. This requires a lot of self-awareness, one of the five SEL competencies as defined by the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL). We have to understand ourselves well enough to know what will motivate us to keep moving when treading water gets tough. Are you motivated by financial stability, the wellbeing of our family, helping to create a better future for others, or a lovely vacation on the horizon?
What keeps you going?
Once you’ve figured out what keeps you motivated to stay afloat even when you’re exhausted and facing so many obstacles, remember that you don’t have to do it alone — nor should you. This is where another SEL competency comes in: relationship skills. Social connection is vital to perseverance. As one of my personal heroes, Brené Brown, says, “Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.” You need people, and — this may be obvious, but juuuuust in case you need a reminder — people need you, too!
Research on Perseverance and Social Connection
According to the CDC, the COVID-19 pandemic has led to elevation of anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. The CDC stopped short of asserting a direct correlation between the pandemic and these elevated mental health issues. However, we might draw the conclusion that the social isolation caused by the pandemic has contributed to them. It’s so easy to get sucked into our day-to-day routines — feeding ourselves (and our kids or pets, if we have them), keeping ourselves and our homes clean, working, and maaaaybe exercising — that we forget to reach out to our support networks. Or maybe we’re too mentally exhausted at the end of the day to expend more energy on socializing. I’m looking at you, fellow introverts!
In the 2012 article “Building your resilience,” the APA placed building social connections first in its list of resilience-building strategies. When we are struggling to get by due to mental, physical, or any other type of strain, it can be easy to retreat from others as we attempt to right our ship alone. Yup, I’m totally mixing metaphors here, with the treading water and the righting ships, but you get me!
While our ability to persevere is ultimately our own responsibility, it is completely okay and actually better if we include friends and family in our journey. Even if we don’t explicitly need help from them, their presence in our lives will be helpful. Just having someone to talk with and feel connected to can help us so much.
Since we’ve been in this pandemic for a while, now there is some research specifically related to it. A study based in Austria during the COVID-19 pandemic lockdown found interesting correlations between the size of participants’ social networks and their levels of worry, anxiety, and fatigue. The authors state, “Our findings highlight the important role that social connections play in promoting resilience by buffering against negative physical and mental health outcomes, particularly in times of adversity in times of adversity.”
Staying Connected During a Global Pandemic
As we continue to stay home and avoid crowds, nourishing those oh-so-vital connections with others becomes difficult. Before the pandemic, it seemed that my family and I were always with our people. We spent the weekends bouncing between our parents’ houses, the soccer field, and various birthday parties. Now, we feel like we’ve had heavy socialization if we manage to arrange a socially distant hike with local friends.
While in-person interaction is limited during this time, we don’t need to be socially isolated. There are plenty of ways to stay connected. We just have to get a little more creative and commit to spending a bit more time in front of a screen than we would otherwise. I know, I know… I get Zoom fatigue too! We must fight through the pain and the eye strain to keep up those connections, friends! Here are some great ideas for us all, from the National Alliance on Mental Illness. There are some things there I haven’t thought of before, and I’ll be putting a couple of them into practice this year, for sure.
So, who’s with me? Want to join me in working harder to stay connected this year? Let’s all band together to help each other tread that water and right those ships! We can and will persevere through this pandemic and beyond — especially if we do it together.
Working from home is new for a lot of people. Well, not totally new at this point, but it definitely takes time to find a rhythm with this setup. Even if you’ve been doing it now for many months, you may still struggle with how to make the best of it.
I’ve been working from home for the past four years, and over the course of those years I’ve accumulated a few tips that I’d love to share with you now. It should go unsaid, but I’m gonna say it anyway: These are things that have worked for me, and I know that not all of them will work for everyone. I am not an expert in this, I’ve just been doing it a while and I hope you gain one or two new things to try!
1. Get out of your seat
I know the transition to working in a home office (if you’re lucky enough to have a home office) is incredibly difficult. You’re used to walking around all day — from the car to your office, between offices to talk with your colleagues or hop into meetings, or to pop off to grab a coffee or lunch out of the office. Don’t let your situation stop you from still walking around. Set a timer for yourself. Every hour, just get up and take a break – walk outside if you can, but any movement will do. I even count the walk to the washroom or the kitchen. Just get that blood flowing! (Full disclosure: I totally don’t do this as much as I should. Some days I only manage to get up and move around a few times — but it’s my goal!)
2. Leave the snacks in the kitchen
Speaking of the walk to the kitchen, that’s where I keep my snacks! It’s so easy to overeat when we work from home. All our favorite treats are just waiting for us. But if we keep them in the kitchen and not at our desks, at least they’re not just a drawer pull away. When I was teaching, I kept snacks at my desk. But because I was up and around so much, I rarely sat at my desk and so rarely snacked. As we spend more time at our desks, those snacks need to move away.
3. Remove the computer from your personal space
I’m lucky enough to have an office at this point in my work-from-home career. Once I realized it was going to be a permanent situation, we turned the guest room into a combo guest room/office. If you don’t have the room for that, you should try to find a spot for it where you won’t walk by it constantly — or cover it with a blanket or towel when you’re not working, like it’s a sleeping bird — whatever it takes to keep you from being drawn back into work mode when you should be caring for yourself.
4. Turn off personal notifications during work hours
This is sort of the reverse of #3. I used to keep my personal email notifications on during work, and found that it was just terribly distracting. If someone is emailing you, they’re generally not expecting an immediate response. It’s 100% okay to let those emails sit there until the end of the day. Try to keep work at work, and home at home as much as you can.
5. Set realistic expectations
When I started working from home, I thought the (housekeeping) world was my oyster. I was going to use breaks during the day to clean the house, cook masterpiece meals, and create epic birthday parties. I was going to meditate, do yoga, and stay in better touch with my friends. I was going to DO IT ALL. Wellllll then real life set in, and I did basically none of those things. During my breaks at home I do what I’d have been doing in an office. I make a quick snack, run through social media, maybe take a quick walk outside, then head back to my desk. At first I was pretty disappointed in myself for not conquering the world, but there’s only so much one person can do. You gotta rest sometime.
Bonus tip: Remember to be social!
This one can get tricky, as you work in the silo of your home. Having some social interaction in your day is VITAL. I try to connect with colleagues on a personal level when possible (easy enough to do when one/both of you have kids popping in to see what’s going on when you’re in a meeting) and take a second to text friends silly GIFs. One of my incredible colleagues has also set in motion a weekly virtual happy hour and a monthly virtual game night for our whole staff. People come when they can and stay as long as they can. It’s so important to continue nurturing personal relationships, in whatever way works best for you.
I’ve always been the kind of person whose motto is “expect the worst, but hope for the best.” I know, that’s totally not positive and seems counter to the general vibe of this blog.
But that’s me, in reality.
I really try to avoid getting my hopes up, because I would rather be joyful at an unexpectedly good outcome than bummed at an unexpectedly bad one. I believe this is what we call “self-preservation.” Here’s why:
I love talking to him—he’s so funny and creative, conversations are usually pretty interesting.
I love reading to him—he is a very enthusiastic book lover, and that gives me an insane amount of joy.
I love snuggling with him—we snuggle every morning, and it always starts the day off right.
I love watching him draw—he has this crazy innate talent (and love for it) that I can only assume was a recessive gene from his grandmothers, because neither Josh nor I have much in the way of artistic ability!
“Same thing we do every day, Catherine. Try to take over the workforce.”
I like to be busy, and I hate monotony. When I got laid off in December, it was easy to stay busy because Christmas and Z’s birthday were just around the corner—so many little projects and tasks awaited me, I was actually kind of glad for the forced “time off.”
As the craziness of December becomes a distant memory, I find myself with fewer and fewer things to occupy my time. And, worse, I have no idea when I’ll earn a stable paycheck again, so spending money makes me feel sick to my stomach. I can’t just go out and spend the day in San Francisco, browse at the outlets, get a hobby (most of which are actually more expensive than you’d think), or whatever else I might do with my free time.
Ever since I was in fifth grade, I’ve suffered from moderate anxiety and depression. (Interestingly, the National Institute of Mental Health notes that the average age at which people begin to suffer from anxiety is eleven years old.) In my case, the depression usually follows an episode of high anxiety.
In this post, I’m going to delve into my own struggles and explain why I (and others) think it’s worthwhile to talk about them. I’ve noticed that there’s been a movement lately to get people talking about mental illnesses, to bring individual experiences out into the light in an effort to remove the stigma. I think that sharing our internal struggles with others is a kindness to ourselves, but is also a kindness to those who may feel alone.
We’ve all experienced setbacks. This is just a fact of life. It doesn’t matter how smoothly things appear to be going—something, at some point, will trip us up. How do we dust ourselves off when this happens? And, once we do, how easy is it to stay standing?
My exploration of self-kindness today is through the lens of my (not-so-recent-anymore) layoff. I had found my dream job for a really wonderful organization with a mission that I truly believed in. I was writing language arts curriculum with a social-emotional focus, and I was just beginning to feel like I was becoming competent.
