I’m wondering if anyone else out there is like me—a total oddball when it comes to holidays like this.
Almost every day lately, I am bombarded with Pinterest pins, blog posts, emails, and Facebook posts about the “5 Best Gifts for Mom on Mother’s Day” or “Check Out These Unique Mother’s Day Gifts!”
Friends and media personalities talk about their plans to take Mom out to a nice brunch and give her flowers and chocolate.
Hmm. Well, I think my family is weird. We don’t do that stuff. I don’t remember the last time I got my mom a Mother’s Day gift, or even a card.
It’s not like I don’t acknowledge it at all—I always call or FaceTime or text or something, but it’s usually no more than that.
Am I a bad daughter?
Does my mom feel like I don’t appreciate her?
Should I be making a bigger deal each year?
The answer to all of these questions is: I don’t think so.
My mom and I have a great, supportive relationship and we’re in contact, in some way, daily. Be it through FaceTime, text, Facebook, or emails throughout the day, we are always up in each other’s business.
I know (or at least, I’m 99% sure) that my mom is secure in my appreciation for her.
How do I show my appreciation for my mom?
1. I think that one thing my mom takes as a sign of love and appreciation is my openness with her. We talk about everything, and I don’t really hold back.
2. I reach out to my mom when bad things happen, and I reach out to her when amazing things happen. Sometimes, I reach out to her when something super mundane happens that I think she’ll find interesting.
3. I support her in her decisions, and remind her how awesome she is when she seems to need that.
4. Whenever she says any nonsense about how she “could have been a better mom” or whatever, I quickly squash that garbage.
Working moms, listen up: Being a busy, working mother who also tries to take care of herself by getting a bit of exercise does not make you a bad mom!! It makes you a wonderful role model. **Necessary disclaimer: Stay-at-home moms, I am not saying you’re not good role models! If you set good examples for your kids, no matter how you do it, you are a good role model! Good job, you rock! 🙂
I never once felt unloved by my mom—I always knew she loved and supported me. I never felt that she didn’t have time for me, or anything like that. But for some reason she still thinks she should have given me more. Nope. It’s all good.
5. On my wedding day, my mom walked me down the aisle, with my dad. I couldn’t have imagined it any other way.
What about me?
Yeah, I’m a mom. Nope, my husband, Josh, doesn’t do anything much (on behalf of my not-able-to-comprehend-it-yet son), either. As much as I love surprises and feeling special, I don’t expect anything and I’m not too sad when my expectations become reality.
Usually, Josh says something like, “Happy Mother’s Day,” and asks Z to do the same. I will probably get some hugs and kisses, and then we will go about our day. We’ll go grocery shopping and then Josh will go play soccer while I hang with Z.
And then it will be Monday.
Will I do something for my dad or for Josh on Father’s Day? Probably not! I’d love to say that I will, but I can honestly say we will most likely do the same things on Father’s Day that we did on Mother’s Day.
Do I think people who do celebrate Mother’s Day are silly?
Not at all! I actually wish I were more like you. I wish I had the creativity, energy, and determination to craft some cute little present or set up some nice little brunch and really do it right.
I don’t love the fact that I don’t make a big deal out of these things, I just think it’s not in my DNA.
My parents never did much for these holidays, and my husband is of the same mindset.
It’s just not how we’re programmed, and since the members of my immediate family are all that way, I honestly can’t see it changing.
Is anyone else out there like us?
Please help me believe we’re not the only lame people out there who don’t do much of anything for Mother’s Day!
And to all of you out there who are actually with it and will be celebrating on Sunday, have an amazing time!
Yes, I agree: it’s all good. Dad and I realized many, many years ago that mandated gifting days were–to US–just putting stress and anxiety into a normally very happy and healthy relationship. So we got rid of that stress, and enjoy our lives–for US–better than ever all year-round. I know a full spectrum of folks who, at the one end, expect a certain level of gifting or gesturing on those days and many times end up disappointed in or even angry at their partner for not getting or doing enough or the right thing… and/or even end up in a financial hole to-boot; and at the other end the gifting is nothing but joyous. I guess because we stressed about it, we would fall closer to the first end of the spectrum, in which case I’m glad we have opted out–that’s what works best–for US.
Yeah it’s definitely very personal and unique to each person. I say, whatever makes you happy is the right way to do it! 🙂
Your post made me smile!! One year a delivery person showed up at the door to my classroom with a bouquet of roses. I asked who they were for, and she replied, “You!”. I asked why I would be getting flowers and then it dawned on me it was my anniversary 🙂 I laugh every time I tell that story. My husband will never get in trouble with me if he “forgets” a holiday. EVERY day is what’s important, and my hubby is my best friend each and every day!!
So glad you enjoyed the post! And yes, I totally forget our anniversary is approaching just about every year, haha! Definitely less pressure on the husbands when the wives don’t keep track. 😉
My husband and I also don’t make a big fuzz about mothers or fathers day. When the kids were little they had the obligatory gifts from school (most of which I still have somewhere) Now that they are grown up, I am happy with a hug or kiss and the occasional prepared meal.
Yep, that’s exactly how my family was, growing up, too. Once the school-made crafts went away, so did the gift giving, for the most part. Thankfully, my parents are cool with that, and it sounds like you are, too! Thanks for stopping by!
I totally agree with you. I dislike the “have to celebrate” holidays. They feel forced and fake to ME. I tell Pat the same thing every yr before a holiday, “please don’t do anything for Valentine’s Day (and all the other holidays)” because I appreciate the flowers, going out to eat (which we do way too often), movies, concerts, plays, etc because he does it so often throughout the year because he WANTS to. Not be Hallmark tells him he has to.
Oh man Carole, you hit the nail on the head. With the exception of eating out a lot (there’s not a lot of choice up here, and fortunately I like to cook) we do it the same. Funny thing is that Kenny’s buddies at work are jealous every Valentines Day (among others) as they try to figure out what to do THIS time, all the while knowing Kenny doesn’t have to do anything other than be the way he is every day–which does include an occasional bouquet of flowers or other surprise whenever he decides to do it, not on a designated day.
Yeah I think what you’ve said is just right, and I don’t think I made that clear. I am DEFINITELY someone who enjoys being treated to something sweet and thoughtful, but I’d just as soon have it on a random day when it’s done out of an abundance of love rather than pressure.
Exactly!
Thanks for the lovely read Catherine. Using the everyday to show how much you love your mom and that you are loved as a mom is a beautiful way to live. It is the little things daily that really count.
Thank you for your sweet reply, Cally! Yep, it is definitely nice to feel loved on a daily basis. Making a big deal a few times a year is awesome, too! Maybe someday I’ll get with the program. 🙂
Mother’s Day is a lot like Valentines in this respect, it’s kind of annoying when we make a big deal about it, because EVERY day should be Mothers Day! As in, we should tell our moms every day how much we appreciate them! I totally agree with you and love this post about how to show your mom every day how much you love her!
Yes! I totally agree. Valentine’s Day gets treated about the same way as Mother’s Day in my house. 🙂 Glad you enjoyed the post!
Kudos Catherine! Just before I read this, my four-year-old began to play in my hair, stating he was going to “do my hair for Mother’s Day.” Without a doubt, that will be the best gift I receive. Over the years, I couldn’t tell you what I received on any given holiday, but every time that boy picks flowers to give me when we take a walk, or my big girls offer to clean the kitchen I smile. They make me feel special every day, so no big deal needs to be made around these parts either.
Oh yeah for sure! It’s absolutely those little, everyday things that make us feel special as moms! I love that your kiddo plays with your hair and picks you flowers – what a sweetheart! My guy doesn’t do that stuff yet, but when he randomly tells me he loves me, that’s about as good as it gets. Thanks for reading!
I feel normal after reading this. Thanks for sharing
I would like to say it’s like this in my family as well. This year however was particularly stressful.
We celebrate it every year, but for the past three years it just never goes over well. My mom has said that she just “isn’t feeling the love” and I get it! Since I could remember all we do every year is go out to eat and watch a go see whatever movie is playing and it’s been getting repetitive. This year I totally forgot and I made a plan to go berry picking last minute and rounded up my two other adult siblings and when we got there they were closed. So what do we do? Go get dinner and go see a movie. Of course feel terrible for forgetting and doing the same old same old, and I was pretty tired so I was t that much fun to be around, but this pressure around Mother’s Day and “needing it to be perfect so my mom feels loved” was just too much this year. She still pulled me aside for the fourth year in a row and said that she felt forgotten and uncared for. I don’t know what to do and I want to talk to my family about having a low cost low effort Mother’s Day from here on out so we don’t all stress out, but how do I even say to my mom “Mother’s Day stresses me out because it never feels good enough for you” last year I got her an outdoor furniture set and mad edger patio look nice, but I forgot to write her a card and my brother and sister weren’t there last year so she still felt forgotten by us all! I’m at a loss and wish Mother’s Day was just another holiday.
I’m so sorry to hear that Mother’s Day has become a source of stress for you! It sounds like you’ve been trying your best to make your mom feel special. I wonder if there’s a different tradition she’d prefer? If dinner and a movie isn’t cutting it and the other things you’ve done haven’t gone well, you might ask her what her ideal Mother’s Day would be like, and then try to make that happen — within reason, of course! If it goes well, you can turn it into your annual tradition, which would hopefully solve the problem of having to figure out something new each year. Wishing you all the best!!