I’ll be the first to admit it — I’m terrible at keeping in touch. Like, pretty awful. I’ll like all the Facebook and Instagram posts, and most of the time I’ll respond to texts. But initiating real, meaningful contact with people is a pretty big weak area for me. I tell myself I’ll reach out when XYZ, but then XYZ comes and goes and for whatever reason, I’m still silent.
This is not good and I know it. It’s not good for my relationships and it’s not good for my mental health. This has only become more pronounced as the pandemic has isolated us all more than ever. So, I am vowing to make 2021 my year of connection.
How does this relate to you, or to the general theme of social and emotional learning (SEL)?
Perseverance and SEL
Perseverance is a huge topic in the world of SEL, and in 2020 we had to persevere more than ever! As we dip our collective toes into the waters of 2021, I think we can all agree that the conditions that caused perseverance to be so critical last year are still swirling around in there, though perhaps a touch diluted.
Once we dive in — and we will have to dive in, no matter how reluctant we are — we’ll have to keep our heads above water, our arms moving, and our legs kicking. This requires a lot of self-awareness, one of the five SEL competencies as defined by the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL). We have to understand ourselves well enough to know what will motivate us to keep moving when treading water gets tough. Are you motivated by financial stability, the wellbeing of our family, helping to create a better future for others, or a lovely vacation on the horizon?
What keeps you going?
Once you’ve figured out what keeps you motivated to stay afloat even when you’re exhausted and facing so many obstacles, remember that you don’t have to do it alone — nor should you. This is where another SEL competency comes in: relationship skills. Social connection is vital to perseverance. As one of my personal heroes, Brené Brown, says, “Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.” You need people, and — this may be obvious, but juuuuust in case you need a reminder — people need you, too!
Research on Perseverance and Social Connection
According to the CDC, the COVID-19 pandemic has led to elevation of anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. The CDC stopped short of asserting a direct correlation between the pandemic and these elevated mental health issues. However, we might draw the conclusion that the social isolation caused by the pandemic has contributed to them. It’s so easy to get sucked into our day-to-day routines — feeding ourselves (and our kids or pets, if we have them), keeping ourselves and our homes clean, working, and maaaaybe exercising — that we forget to reach out to our support networks. Or maybe we’re too mentally exhausted at the end of the day to expend more energy on socializing. I’m looking at you, fellow introverts!
In the 2012 article “Building your resilience,” the APA placed building social connections first in its list of resilience-building strategies. When we are struggling to get by due to mental, physical, or any other type of strain, it can be easy to retreat from others as we attempt to right our ship alone. Yup, I’m totally mixing metaphors here, with the treading water and the righting ships, but you get me!
While our ability to persevere is ultimately our own responsibility, it is completely okay and actually better if we include friends and family in our journey. Even if we don’t explicitly need help from them, their presence in our lives will be helpful. Just having someone to talk with and feel connected to can help us so much.
Since we’ve been in this pandemic for a while, now there is some research specifically related to it. A study based in Austria during the COVID-19 pandemic lockdown found interesting correlations between the size of participants’ social networks and their levels of worry, anxiety, and fatigue. The authors state, “Our findings highlight the important role that social connections play in promoting resilience by buffering against negative physical and mental health outcomes, particularly in times of adversity in times of adversity.”
Staying Connected During a Global Pandemic
As we continue to stay home and avoid crowds, nourishing those oh-so-vital connections with others becomes difficult. Before the pandemic, it seemed that my family and I were always with our people. We spent the weekends bouncing between our parents’ houses, the soccer field, and various birthday parties. Now, we feel like we’ve had heavy socialization if we manage to arrange a socially distant hike with local friends.
While in-person interaction is limited during this time, we don’t need to be socially isolated. There are plenty of ways to stay connected. We just have to get a little more creative and commit to spending a bit more time in front of a screen than we would otherwise. I know, I know… I get Zoom fatigue too! We must fight through the pain and the eye strain to keep up those connections, friends! Here are some great ideas for us all, from the National Alliance on Mental Illness. There are some things there I haven’t thought of before, and I’ll be putting a couple of them into practice this year, for sure.
So, who’s with me? Want to join me in working harder to stay connected this year? Let’s all band together to help each other tread that water and right those ships! We can and will persevere through this pandemic and beyond — especially if we do it together.